yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me
I had dinner with him tonight. After two months of confusion and lack of communication, we finally sat down and talked about things. He apologized for letting life get in the way of us picking up where we left off. He had to find a new house to live in and then he had the trip planned with his family, then once he was back in town, he had to move into his new house. He was busy, and I understood that. But a simple explanation of that would have helped, rather than leave me waiting and wondering. And he apologized for that. He told me that he cannot ignore his feelings for me… But that, with everything going on, he didn’t feel like he could give me the time I deserve in a relationship. He said that he cares about me a lot, and wants me in his life. I told him that it’s probably best that I take some time away from him completely, in order to move on. I could tell that’s not what he wanted.. For me to take a step back, or for me to move on. But I can’t wait for him. What if we are never what I want us to be? He said that I should not look at it as though we’ll NEVER be in a relationship, but how long am I supposed to wait for something that may never happen? I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with him. I look at him as if he’s the only person in the room, and it can’t be that way anymore. I tried to tell him that. That I need to forget him. That I’m glad I no longer work morning shifts with him, not because I’m angry.. But because I’m heartbroken. I can’t explain the way I feel about him I just know that I can’t stop thinking about him. Every day. We walked to our cars and I told him that if he EVER needed anyone, I would always be there for him. Even if he only needed an ear to listen. “I care about you so much. And maybe people have told you that before and not meant it, but I mean it.” He told me not to write us off so quickly… But I don’t think I have any other choice when it comes to what’s best for me.
I’m not in love with him. But if not, then why have I never wanted anyone to be as happy as I want him to be? I have love for him. So much love.
So, tonight I’m wondering, why does God put people in our lives, who can make us feel so whole, only for it to not work out…and leave us empty again? How come we can meet someone who makes us feel all these different wonderful and painful and beautiful and terrifying feelings, only for them to be a temporary person in our lives? When we want so badly to keep them close for the rest of our days, but it is out of our control…
i’ve been meaning to go on a diet for about 5 years